More Than You Want to Know About VFTs

This past week (on the 6th) Mike and I celebrated our one year anniversary. Our anniversary gift, from ourselves, to ourselves, was a used Wii with Wii Fit, which we have been enjoying immensely. It's an amazing ab workout... and I'm definitely a fan of all the cute balance games. We decided to also spend 5-10 dollars on a surprise gift for each other, to make it a little more fun. Mike got me some chocolate and some silicone bakeware, which made me super happy. I decided we were in need of a "love fern", so I got him a Venus Flytrap.

At the time, the Venus Flytrap (or VFT, as it is known by enthusiasts) seemed like a great choice. They eat bugs, which is cool, and, perhaps more importantly, they were the only living plant I could buy at Meijer. Plus, as I discovered as I looked through them, they have beautiful white flowers. I picked one that looked healthy and had several blooms on it, and brought it home. The next morning, I presented it to Mike. And then (and only then) I started looking into what care was necessary to take care of the plants, to make sure I could keep this symbol of our affection alive.

(The flowers on the one I got Mike are blooming and pretty, but otherwise this is what our plant looks like)

Turns out these VFT's are the most finicky creatures known to mankind. Because they get their nutrients from the bugs they eat, they don't need any in the soil. One would think this would make them easy to care for, because you don't need to worry about fertilizer, but actually it means that the nutrients in ordinary dirt (or ordinary tap water) will give the plant root burn and kill it. It can only tolerate distilled water, and in order to give it the badly needed transplant, we had to buy nutrient-free sphagnum peat moss. The plant is also pretty picky about what bugs it can eat. Anything with a hard outer shell (like a beetle) will kill it, as will anything with any noticeable fat content (like any sort of meat). Caterpillars and other plant eating bugs are off limits unless they are killed first, because they can eat through a trap before the trap can eat through them.

If the humidity drops below 50%, it will die (which is why it needs a terrarium... which makes it awfully difficult for it to catch bugs). If it is over or under watered, it will die. If its traps are triggered too often, it will die. If it doesn't get 4-12 hours of sunlight every day, it will die. If it isn't kept in the fridge during its dormancy period, it will die. And (here's the kicker) if it is allowed to flower, it usually dies.

So, long story short, VFT's do not, apparently, make very good symbols for the health of one's relationship. I'm thinking I'll be lucky if I can keep this thing alive for a month. I guess I should start planning for the divorce?

No Rest for the Indecisive

Yesterday, after a morning of working, I finally went into the bathroom for a shower. Once inside, I made two horrific discoveries:

1. I didn't have any razors (normally this might not have been a crisis, but I already hadn't shaved for three days, and I really wanted to wear a skirt for my dinner date with Mike)

2. We didn't have any toilet paper (this one's always a crisis)

Quickly, I decided that an emergency store run was in order. I didn't have the car, but fortunately our new apartment is less than a block from a big box super store, so I figured I could jog over, grab some tp and razors, and be back within 15 minutes. It seemed like a good plan, but I forgot how evil these big box stores can be.

First, there was the toilet paper aisle. I don't mind that it's hidden in the back of the store, in hopes of enticing people into buying all the snack food you have to pass on the way. I didn't even mind (terribly) that they always put the toilet paper by the paper towels, sometimes making it hard to determine which is which, at least at first glance. What I did mind was the dizzying array of choices.

1 ply or 2 ply? 4 pack or 6 pack? Big rolls or regular sized ones? Do we have room to store a 12 pack? Scotts lasts forever... but it can't be a better deal than the store brands, can it?

I just wanted the cheapest package that would do the job - but trying to figure out which package was cheapest, given the different roll sizes and pack sizes, was much too taxing for my math skills. The cost per sheet indicators on the price tags weren't much help either, because about half of the varieties were on sale. Finally, I grabbed a random package (Scott's environmentally friendly variety, in a four pack, if you're curious) and then headed to the health and beauty department to get razors.

Here, the whole process was repeated again. 2 blades or 3? Disposable or the kind with cartridges? Do I want moisture strips?

Again, cheap was better, but I did want to spend enough to get one that would work. And, again, the price per unit indicators on the shelf tags were useless, thanks to all of the "bonus" razors in the various packages.

By the time I finally got home from the store, I was stressed that I'd made the wrong choices (what if Mike hates this kind of toilet paper?) and grumpy because my fifteen minute run to the store had taken over a half hour.

I suppose choices are a good thing, and I can definitely live with them, if it helps everyone get what they need. It does irk me, though, that I never seem to have any consummer choices when I need them (how is it that I'm lucky if a store carries 1 suit in my size? [Usually made out of linen or dyed some garish color that defeats its purpose as a suit.] I promise I'm not the only pint-sized law/business student in the world).